Heyyyyyyy Y’all! It feels so good to be writing again. There is so much peace and clarity that I gain from sharing my thoughts with Y’all. And it is my goal to keep writing. I’m a work in progress, so please bare with me because I know I’ve been hella inconsistent by ghosting Y’all for months at a time. I appreciate the patience while I’ve been working through my shit. I am still riding the wave (see previous post), but I’m choosing to push through and do it anyway. I actually just finished reading author Luvvie Ajayi Jones’ second best selling book Professional Troublemaker The Fear-Fighter Manual. It’s all about pushing pass the fear and doing The Thing, whatever that is, even when you’re scared. Hell, especially when you’re scared.
This is such a great read and I highly recommend it. There were so many chapters I connected with in this book. I mean, the theme of the book aligns so well with my intentions of this blog: Speak Loudly. Live Boldly. Be Your Best Self. It reminded me of this and I’m so glad it did. Luvvie kicked off chapter one reading me for filth, Y’all. She said, “Fear: Half the battle is with our own self, our own insecurities, and our own battles.” Whew.
I spent a long time on a journey to find myself but the truth is, I’ve really been battling to own who tf I know I am all along. I’ve hid behind others expectations of me out of fear of judgment, failure, embarrassment, disappointing others. . .shall I go on? The constant need to be perfect has broken me all the way down but perfection is the enemy of progress. And Luvvie reminded me that it is not my responsibility to live up to others expectations or control how they feel. I am a recovering people pleaser, so I’m constantly working on this. But I have to walk in my path and do what makes me happy. It should be a simple concept but for many of us, it isn’t. Because we are flawed humans, just how God made us to be. So do you! (as I’m telling myself).
What’s my biggest fear? Allowing my insecurities with my body to continue to control how I live my life. I’ve gained so much weight and because of it, my voice has gotten quieter. I don’t want the attention on me because then you’ll notice every lump, every scar. It’s held me back from living in the moment and making genuine connections. It’s paralyzed me mentally and I’ve suffered because of it. But I’ve continued to make excuses for myself.
I’ve done the WW (Weight Watchers) thing at least 5-6 times. Each time I quit before really committing 100% to the program. I started a new membership a few weeks ago and found myself on the same cycle. I tried cancelling the subscription several times but failed because I kept entering the wrong login information. Then it clicked, the universe was telling me that I will not give up on myself again. I will not allow my insecurities to win. But what am I really afraid of? A healthier lifestyle? A happier me? I’m afraid of the commitment it will take because it’s easier to do nothing than to put in the work.
So, let’s talk.
What’s your biggest fear? Are you ready to push through even though you’re scared? Or will you continue to let The Thing hold you back from being the best version of you?
Listen. Fear is real and it’s normal. If there isn’t some level of fear then it probably isn’t something that’s going to make you better. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think everything we do has to be scary but we often fear The Thing because the best case scenario seems impossible. And if we dare to do it anyway and fail miserably, the disappointment will insurmountable. I get it! I’m right there with you. But what if our best case scenario comes to fruition? Think of the possibilities and the lives we would live. And if we fail, it will absolutely suck. It may even hurt, but there will be lessons learned that will take us to the next level. When you learned to ride a bike, you fell. But you got back up and you kept going. And when you finally got the hang of it, so many roads opened up for you to explore. So do it anyway! Do The Thing and enjoy the ride. Keep going Y’all. We got this!