Cycles of Insanity

We’ve all heard Einstein’s famous quote, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.” Well, call me insane because I am so guilty. In my last post, I talked about setting up for a successful new year, but what I’ve learned in my time of reflection and expectation setting for the year is that I’ve been spinning in circles trying to figure out why I’ve yet to change direction.

Last month, I bought a new journal even though I told myself to wait until I finished my current one. I’m so bad at this that it was literally one of my goals last year just to finish one journal. Needless to say, I didn’t meet that goal. In fact, every time I buy a new journal I tell myself, “This is the last time. . .for real this time.” But it never is. 

I know there are more expensive habits like buying shoes, or candles, or handbags, etc. But it’s not just the habit of buying new journals. It’s much deeper than that.

I talked about the significance of journaling for me in a previous post. It’s therapeutic. I can be honest, and there’s no judgement. Most importantly, it gives me such awareness about myself. Being completely honest and vulnerable while journaling can help you to learn the art of acceptance in the areas that you are working on. And the freedom and clarity you will gain is eye-opening. But I digress.

I woke up one Monday morning with lot of thoughts that I needed to put on paper. I grabbed my brand new journal and began to write, “Happy first journal entry for the last time before starting a new journal.”

Bu before I could finish writing that thought, something in mind told me to rip out the page and pick up my old (current) journal. It was a feeling that I can’t explain, but I had to follow it. I started my current journal in December 2018 just a few days shy of the new year, and today I’ve still barely filled a third of the pages. Without even realizing it, I flipped back to the first entry and read a very familiar couple of sentences:

“Today is the first day in my new journal. It will be the first journal that I finish in its entirety before starting a new.”

Yikes.

That was the moment I realized my insanity, not just in journaling but in life. I haven’t finished a journal since I started writing in them in 2015, and I’m still making the same promises to myself that this time things will be different. While I’ve had tremendous growth over the years, I’m still penciling in the same thoughts year after year. I have so many incomplete thoughts, feelings, plans, etc., layered in the pages of my unfinished journals blocking my path of finally moving on to the next chapter.

So, let’s talk.

Ever find yourself on your own cycle of insanity? Have you just accepted it?  Or have you found a way to finally get off that nauseating merry-go-round?

Listen. We have to stop giving ourselves passes.  We’re talking about setting 2020 on fire, right? So, let’s hold ourselves accountability and leave the excuses in the past. There are so many things big and small that I plan to accomplish this year, so it’s even more important that I finally jump off the carousel and finish something. No more dwelling and complaining about what I could have been or all that I could’ve done. We can’t go back, but we can break the cycles now and keep forging forward.

So, I challenge you to think deeper than just a fresh start. Instead, pick up where you left off but this time with a fresh perspective. Create a safe space for yourself full of transparency and honesty in the areas in your life that you want to develop and grow in. Then, make sure to see it through to the end! And no matter what, keep pushing forward and focused on the things that make you happy. But still, don’t forget to give yourself some grace because life is about progress not perfection!

💜 Tiarra

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