Heeeey! I’ve missed y ‘all! It’s been way too long since my last post *clears throat* six months to be exact. If you follow my blog, please forgive me. This has been a rough year for me, and I was in no place to write content promoting self-worth and positivity in the mental space that I was in. I’m finally turning the corner back to my happy place, and I think it’s time for me to share why I’ve been on hiatus. This will be my last post about my dark place not only because I’m tired of talking about, but mostly because I’m riding in the light from here on out. Besides, I’ve missed blogging so much, and it is when I write and share my experiences with you that I feel like my best self.
You may remember my God Spoke to Me post where I testified how God gave me a message to be still and build my brand. But I have to admit that I didn’t listen. We often think we know better than we do. Or, maybe we follow the wrong signs because we want to believe it was apart of the plan. Don’t be fooled y’ all, because that small detour can cause a major setback. Like me for instance. Instead of staying at my job and focusing on Tiarra Talks, I reluctantly accepted a role with a company that led me to a deep dark place of depression and anxiety. Literally, all the signs were there for me to decline the role, and I did. I felt the oppressive energy in that place, but I was sold a dream and chose to believe that I could handle it. I had done the work of being a better, more confident me. I thought maybe this was a test to prove that I wasn’t the old me, to challenge myself to come through even stronger on the other side.
It took me less than 90 days to leave in the midst of a complete breakdown. Then, I totally shut my myself off from the world. I was in a bad place and to be honest, a part of me blamed God for even being there in the first place. I asked Him if this was apart of His plan, and I thought He had told me yes. I was so angry with God. I mean, I figured since He and I were now on speaking terms that the almost desperate pleas of “I can get you to where you want to be,” was His way of giving me a sign to take the job. Or so I thought. Before I left, I came across this meme that said “When praying for a job, also pray for a working environment that won’t lead you to depression.” That hit me so hard, because it was so damn accurate. I was in such a rush to achieve the goals I had set for myself that I didn’t think about what was most important, my mental health.
So, let’s talk.
How many times have you made excuses or ignored all the signs just to fit the narrative that you wanted and not what you needed? Did it have an impact on you mentally? What have you learned from those experiences?
Listen. In this life, making mistakes is how we grow; it’s what makes us human. But when you really know you should have gone left instead of going right, be prepared for the consequences. A true lesson learned for me to trust my gut, follow directions, and be patient. TO BE STILL. A very good friend told me God’s timeline doesn’t always align with ours. But I’m stubborn, so clearly I wasn’t ready to listen. Let me tell you, this was the first time in my life that I felt like a failure and painstakingly regretted a decision that I’ve made. It was the first time I truly lost my way. Nonetheless, I’m grateful. I’m grateful for lesson, for therapy, and for my support system for being rays of sunshine and listening ears helping to build me back up with their positive thoughts and words of encouragement.
When I left, I was unemployed for almost 2 months. I went on a lot interviews and heard so many no’s that I lost count. It was crushing attack on my already weak and broken confidence. Yet, I stayed prayerful and faithful. Because even though for a brief time I gave up on God, He never gave up on me. After so much rejection, I heard only one yes. Would you believe me if I told you that one yes was the only one I prayed for?! Trust in Him! Trust in yourself, and your discernment. And know that even when you’re at your lowest, you can always get back up. So please, please keep going, because you are so worth it!