So, I’ve finally caught up with the rest of the world and binged watch the popular TV series, Shameless. I’m hooked! Now, this post isn’t a recap or my opinion about the show; it’s an observation. There are several instances on the show where each character were either too stubborn, too proud, or both, and it didn’t benefit their circumstances at all, but it was the younger sister, Debbie, who inspired this post.
Debbie’s decision to become a teenage mother despite her older sister and guardian, Fiona, objections and lack of support had proven to be the most difficult life changing experience that she could never prepare for. To add, her estranged boyfriend and family wanted nothing to do with her or the baby. Debbie was so stubborn and proud that she wouldn’t even let anyone hold the baby. She wanted to prove to Fiona and everyone else that she could raise Franny on her own. The poor thing wasn’t sleeping and barely had any time to take care of herself, so when she dropped her baby on the floor after she dozed off at the counter while trying to study and breastfeed, my heart sank for her. Thankfully, Franny was okay because babies are pretty resilient, but what if she wasn’t? Is it safe to say that too much pride and stubbornness will kill you or at least your harm your baby.
In that moment, Debbie reminded me of myself because my pride and stubbornness had gotten the best of me just days before. First, I don’t like conflict and I typically try to avoid it at all cost. Secondly, as I mentioned, I am both stubborn and proud. . . I’m also a Leo, so it’s in my DNA. It only took me a few days to start moving around and get back to work after my foot surgery, but I still needed more help than my husband realized and I was willing to admit. After my first day back to work, I hobbled in the house after spending more time than I wanted to wobbling around Walmart then standing on one leg in one of their long ass lines because all of the electric carts were taken.
As usual, before I could even get through the door, the kids attacked me with “Mommy I want, I need, and pick me up.” I needed to elevate and ice my foot immediately because it was hurting so badly, but I still needed to figure out dinner. I told the kids to ask my husband for whatever they needed, but he didn’t move as quickly as I needed him too, especially because the kids were whining in my ear. I was so frustrated because I didn’t think he even noticed how much pain I was in. I’m sure he figured I was fine since I went back to work and was able to shop.
I should have asked for help, but I was so angry that he didn’t offer or at least notice that I needed him that I chose to say nothing. I stood in the kitchen for much longer than I wanted to just making a simple salad. Too avoid making two trips, I damn near hopped to my room with dinner, my pain meds, a bottle water, and two ice packs for my bad foot and good knee that withstood way too much pressure from my shopping trip. How dare he notice my needs, right?
I didn’t talk to him for at least two hours and when I did, I exploded my frustrations on him. Okay, so maybe he should have noticed that I needed help, but it is fair for me to blame him because I was too stubborn? My stubbornness fueled my pride to prove that I didn’t need his help in a secret challenge that he knew nothing about. Now, I do believe that as my husband he should have recognized that I needed him in that moment, but if I’m too proud to express my needs, how can he know?
So let’s talk. Have you had a Debbie moment caused by your stubbornness and pride? Did it help or hurt your circumstances? Did it create tension with others?
I would love to say that my Debbie moment was an isolated incident that will never happen again, but the reality is that it’s not and it will definitely happen again. Like I said, it’s in my DNA. However, I’ve learned to recognize when I’m so in my feels that I become stubborn and prideful. I didn’t speak up because I was frustrated and wanted to avoid confrontation because if you remember, I don’t like conflict. I knew my tone would be perceived as argumentative, but it wasn’t fair to my husband that I didn’t give him the opportunity fix what I thought was a problem. We have to get over ourselves and not allow our stubbornness and pride to create more problems than solutions because this bad combination can lead to a Debbie moment of silent challenges and unnecessary consequences.